While it may not be what you first think of, looking inward is the first step to help you to effectively shift your relationships. You are the consistent part of your relationships in your life, and shifting what you understand about yourself is how to start making real change.
The process of psychotherapy involves self-reflection and sorting through the information available to us in our interpersonal exchanges. What’s going on inside of you in moments of conflict? What is the story you tell yourself? How do you cope? How do you react - internally and externally? How are you coming across to others - is it how you intended? Uncovering and shifting your internal narrative, and hearing alternative ways of thinking from others, are key to making change in your important relationships.
Digging into the origins of your relationship dynamics can bring you to a better understanding of yourself, which can then allow you the option to change.
We encourage you to talk about your life experiences and relationship dynamics, but we also use the here-and-now and elements of the therapist-patient relationship in individual therapy, or elements of the peer to peer relationship in group therapy or partner to partner relationship in couples work. This affords us a unique opportunity to learn about how you operate, in-vivo. We will draw attention to these relational elements in session so we can discover patterns that affect your relationships beyond the therapy room.
In psychotherapy, we work with you to uncover how your relationships with your caregivers have shaped your current relationships with others.
We want to help you answer questions like:
How have your parents' attitudes, behavior and experiences impacted you and your current relationships with others?
How can I better understand the parts of me that may be like them?
What are the patterns with which I relate to others that serve me or that may not serve me any longer?
Together, we will reflect on why you react and interact in certain ways with others. This aims to give you clarity, more control over how you want to show up in relationships, and greater confidence and ease with being yourself.
According to the theories of psychodynamic work, we all have internalized our caregivers' thoughts and general attitudes/ beliefs in our head. That lingering presence of our caregivers influences how we speak to ourselves and what we think of ourselves.
Gaining clarity about what parts of your relationship difficulties come from your internalized narrative can empower you and provide you with enormous relief.
When our aim is to improve our relationships, we work best with people who are interested in exploring how your personal history shows up in your current day-to-day life.
Digging into the experiences of your past relationships can bring about a much better understanding of who you are and what you have internalized. We like to ask: How are early relationship experiences impacting you today?
If you are feeling stuck and/or are having a hard time dealing with a difficult relationship in your life, therapy may be for you!
Here are some examples of difficult relationship experiences that individual, couples, or group therapy (or a combination) may help you with:
Parental difficulties with one or both parents or parents-in-law
Parentification
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Aging parents / Caregiver stressors
A Divorce or Breakup
Dating Challenges
Work-related relationship challenges (Boss and/or colleagues)
Sibling relationship challenges
Parenting difficulties of children
Friendship difficulties
Partner-related communication difficulties
Codependency
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Dr. Jen Joseph is a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Group Psychotherapist and PSYPACT Approved provider. She has a Doctorate of Psychology (Clinical) from CSPP at Alliant International University and is a graduate of The Center for Group Studies. She offers psychodynamic, modern psychoanalytic, interpersonal, and mind-body approaches. She borrows from mindfulness, CBT and humanistic therapy.
Incorporating psychodynamic insights for those wanting to improve their relationships is a key support Dr. Jen offers in her work. She offers a non-judgmental, accepting space for you to explore your past experiences and how they influence your current relationships.
Communication difficulties are the most common presenting complaint among couples. This is because couples often do not know how to make disagreements or differences productive. So many of us are raised to try and win an argument or to make sure we are not dominated by others that we lose sight of our primary task: To help keep our partners feeling safe.
Arguments do not have to be destructive. It is possible to learn how to communicate in such a way where we have productive discussions that are respectful and bring us closer to one another. This is a worthwhile goal for all couples. It takes practice and dedication, but we can help you achieve this.
Greater connection, clarity about how you trigger one another in your relationship, and tools for how to communicate more effectively are achievable goals for couples work.
The art of repair: Repairing injuries or emotional hurt between partners is an essential skill that successful and satisfied couples need to learn. John Gottman, a world renown couples researcher has identified that differences and arguments are not what ultimately destroys relationships, but rather it is lack of adequate repair of hurt feelings in addition to build up feelings of contempt. Gottman has also discovered that responding to small bids of attention from your partner is essential to build closeness and lasting satisfaction in couples.
The purpose of an interpersonal group is to shine a light on your relational interactions. As a representation of your real-world relationships, interpersonal groups offer a space where you can better identify your feelings, relationship dynamics, learn things you didn’t know about yourself, discover new ways of being with others, and make meaningful shifts in how you show up in relationships.
Accelerate Your Progress With Group TherapyBelow is a list of some frequently asked questions about therapy to help you improve your relationships. If you don’t see an answer here, please contact us to discuss further.
We do have training in solution-focused therapy as well as motivational interviewing, which can both be useful. However, it is also definitely the case that taking a courageous look at your past experiences and how they might inform your current inner narrative, will absolutely allow you to make significant progress in improving how you navigate stressful relationships. Additionally, avoidance of certain emotions or past experiences can be a symptom of trauma. There is added value in pursuing understanding everything.
It may well be that the other person in your stressful relationship is the one causing the problems. That said, looking inward, and looking at what you’ve internalized from past treatment and expectations of you, can answer a lot of questions for you about how you currently cope. It can also help you learn how to better cope with the struggles in the stressful relationship. You may be unwilling or unable—in your current state of old patterns and beliefs—to set healthy boundaries and enforce them for example, or to prioritize yourself and reject poor treatment. You may not realize the options available to you, or you may be unwilling to pursue options that feel like too much change.
The only person you can control is yourself.
Looking inward won’t change other people’s behavior; ultimately that is outside of your control. You can look at what is in your control, better understand yourself, and then work to make changes in your relationship that are in line with what’s actually possible, and with what you actually need. Sometimes when we change, others around us respond differently.
Therapy with Dr. Jen is available in-person to residents of New York and New Jersey, and online to anyone in a PsyPact participating state. Want to know if your state is approved? Here is a list of the participating states: View the most up-to-date map here.
If spending time reflecting on your life and your journey is a step you are ready to take, we are here and ready to work with you. We are here to help you begin to ease your difficulties and to improve your life.
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