Do you feel like your relationship is stuck in patterns that keep you and your partner at odds? Has there been a deep rupture between you, and you’ve been unable to bridge the gap so far?
When you and your partner take the courageous first step to relationship repair by starting couples therapy, the rewards can be profound. Couples therapy can help partners see eye-to-eye and is designed to deepen your connection as a couple.
Repair your relationship from emotional injuries.
Strengthen the bond that you have with your partner.
Learn more about your partnership.
Develop a greater appreciation for each other as individuals.
Better understand the interpersonal dynamics and patterns in your relationship.
Make meaningful changes to improve your communication.
There are no relationships that are happy all the time. When two individuals connect and build a life together, there will be an ongoing need to adapt to changes life throws their way.
John Gottman, Harville Hendrix and Sue Johonson, renowned couples therapists and researchers, have all pinpointed the differences between couples who are satisfied with their relationships and couples who are not.
One difference is learning how to effectively repair your connection after disagreements. When partners learn to turn toward each other after conflict and offer each other recognition and repair of emotional hurt, then the couple can maintain trust and grow closer even in conflict.
Couples therapy is an excellent space to rebuild safety and trust, learn the art of repair in order to foster the closeness you want in your relationship.
Couples therapy can be useful for any couple; there is always space to develop a greater understanding of each other. However, it is common for people to seek couples therapy when they have an acute relationship issue or longstanding relationship stress from conflict. Some common reasons people seek couples therapy include:
Desire for greater connection and security
Communication difficulties
Arguing or frequent disagreements
Arguing or frequent disagreements
Cultural and/or religious differences
Financial issues
Establishing common goals and timelines
Feeling stuck in your relationship
Parenting difficulties
Sex and intimacy-related concerns
Pre-marital concerns
Infidelity / Betrayal
Separation / Divorce
Co-Parenting
Every couple is different, and we make sure to personalize your therapy process to match the needs of your relationship. You will decide on shared goals as part of your couples therapy process, and work together to achieve these shared relationship goals, with your therapist providing support throughout.
When you start couples therapy, it’s normal to feel nervous. You may wonder things like:
What if my partner judges or criticizes me?
What if they say something that makes me feel our problems are all my fault?
What if we get into a fight in the therapy session and feel worse?
What if my couples therapist sides with my partner?
It is entirely reasonable to fear being judged, attacked, shamed, or misunderstood by your partner or your couples therapist. Part of the couples therapy process is discussing these fears and worries around the process. We will work together to address these concerns and develop a framework that helps manage and ease these fears.
Communication issues are some of the most common reasons people seek out couples therapy. We as human beings have to learn how to make disagreements or differences into productive interactions, and we aren’t always as well-practiced in that skill.
When your goal in arguments is to win or be right, instead of having the goal of keeping you and your partner safe, everyone loses and your relationship can suffer.
Respectful, productive discussions where you offer your honest needs and thoughts in a way that is fair and accurate, and where you listen to your partner offering you the same, are possible in any relationship. Developing this skill takes practice, and couples therapy is a perfect space to practice while receiving encouragement and feedback from your therapist.
When you come to couples therapy with communication issues, you’ll get started on increasing connection, understanding the ways you trigger one another in your relationship, and acquiring skills to communicate productively even in conflict. When each partner comes to the therapy room with a will to heal and to connect, you and your therapist can find a way to help your relationship thrive.
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Dr. Jen Joseph is a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Group Psychotherapist, and PSYPACT Approved provider in NY and NJ. She has a Doctorate of Psychology from CSPP at Alliant International University and is a graduate from the Center for Group Studies. She uses psychodynamic, modern psychoanalytic, interpersonal, cognitive-behavioral, and mind-body approaches to support couples as they work to improve their relationships.
D. Jen is particularly interested in Imago work and believes in the power of developing and deepening safety in partnerships, and in the ways our neurobiology influences our relationship dynamics.
As a trained couples therapist, Dr. Jen was taught how to meet with couples in a non-judgmental, curious, and interested manner, prioritizing the needs of each individual within the relationship. Her goal is always to help you grow as partners, achieving greater safety and connection with one another within your relationship.
Couples therapy can be highly useful for couples who want to make positive changes in their individual lives as well as in their relationship. Couples therapy offers a chance for unique insights into your relationship and into how you and your partner operate within that relationship.
Because you and your partner will interact with each other in front of your therapist, your actual interpersonal dynamics can be better understood than if you or your partner only provided your impressions of your interpersonal dynamics.
In couples therapy, your therapist will observe how you and your partner relate to each other in the here-and-now of the therapy room, learning about your relationship dynamics and reflecting them back to you. These relational observations can help you and your partner discern how words and actions play out between you., allowing you to make different choices that are more in line with your goals and values for the relationship.
Therapy for relationship concerns is individual therapy, wherein you will introspect on your past experiences and how they impact your existing relationships. By going inward with sincere reflection to uncover the “why” behind how you react and interact, you can start to make changes to develop more rewarding relationships.
Reflect on Your Patterns With Therapy For Relationship ConcernsBelow is a list of some frequently asked questions about couples therapy. If you have a question and don’t see an answer here, please contact us so we can help.
Our first few sessions together will involve you and your partner sharing your reasons for seeking couples therapy, and we will work together to create boundaries and processes to help alleviate any fears you may have about the couples therapy process.
After the initial groundwork sessions, we will work together to review and reflect on both existing conflicts or challenges, and the roots of your responses and reactions to each other within your relationship. We may review communication or conflict resolution skills, and create opportunities for you to practice your new skills throughout the week between sessions. Each session will include space for each partner to speak, and as your therapist, I will make sure to offer you enough space to process together, while stepping in when I see an opportunity for both of you to learn, reflect, or change.
Repair can be made in any relationship, but how the relationship looks can also change to better meet the needs of both partners. Couples that are ready to try to understand each other better will benefit from therapy, and relationship repair can happen even in highly disrupted relationships. Couples therapy can even be an effective way to work through the end of a relationship with respect and caring if that is what both partners consider the best direction to take in the relationship.
For any one-on-one sessions as a part of couples therapy, your therapist cannot promise to keep what you share confidential, with the exception of instances of harm or abuse (in which case couples therapy is not appropriate). The health of the therapeutic relationship depends on the therapist’s neutral stance, and any secret-keeping can threaten that careful balance. You can still approach sensitive subjects during one-on-one sessions, but in that case, I will game plan with you how to bring this up with your partner for constructive, collaborative discussions.
Most of the time we cannot provide individual therapy and couples therapy to the same person at the same time. The role of a couples therapist is one of neutrality toward both parties, supporting the goals and well-being of both. If your couples therapist also serves as your personal therapist, biases can arise, so it is most likely the case that we would provide individual OR couples therapy to any given individual.
If your partner refuses to attend couples therapy, you would likely benefit from individual therapy instead, particularly therapy for relationship stress. This therapy helps you introspect to better understand your own actions and motivations, allowing you to then make changes you’d like to see in your life.
Ultimately, you can’t change other people’s behavior, but you can gain the self-understanding to have more control over your own and acceptance of the things you can’t control in your life. This awareness will help you direct your life where you’d like it to go.
Therapy with Dr. Jen is available in-person to residents of New York and New Jersey, and online to anyone in a PsyPact participating state. Want to know if your state is approved? Here is a list of the participating states: View the most up-to-date map here.
If spending time reflecting on your life and your journey is a step you are ready to take, we are here and ready to work with you. We are here to help you begin to ease your difficulties and to improve your life.
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